I always try to keep a positive outlook, especially when
writing my blog posts. However, I
also want to give an honest and realistic account of my time spent in
Sarajevo. So, I have to confess
that lately, I’ve felt a bit more frustrated and pessimistic than I normally
do.
I
respect and admire my colleagues, as musicians and as friends, and it bothers
me when the working conditions in our orchestra as less than ideal. In the past two months, it seems like
our rehearsal schedule is constantly being changed at the last minute,
sometimes simply at the whim of a conductor, sometimes because unforeseen
scheduling conflicts, and sometimes to accommodate our collaborators in the
opera and ballet companies. Most
of the musicians in the orchestra want to perform well, and many have fairly
flexible schedules, so often we accept the last-minute changes with few
complaints. However, it is
difficult to come to rehearsals well prepared when we don’t know when we will
be rehearsing. Furthermore, my
colleagues with families or students have to make sacrifices in order to attend
unplanned rehearsals. Part of me
admires that everyone is fairly flexible and laid-back. But part of me is angry that my
colleagues do not demand better working conditions.
When
I lived in Chicago, most of the gigs that I played involved players who are
members of the American Federation of Musicians. The musicians’ union allows players who are at the top of
their professions to demand a minimum (and timely) payment, and sets certain
standards for working. When I was
contracted for a gig, I knew exactly where and when I would rehearse and how
much I would be paid. I even knew
that I was guaranteed a certain amount of break time within each
rehearsal. As a result, I could
practice and prepare my reeds accordingly, and was able to play my best.
It is very difficult to play as
well when I feel frustrated and degraded.
I try not to make excuses for myself, and to play as well as I can no
matter the circumstances, but I don’t always succeed. The week, the Sarajevo Philharmonic played Beethoven’s
Symphony No. 9 in collaboration with the Music Academy. Frankly, it was a disaster, due to very
poor organization and leadership.
I frequently felt like screaming at the conductor and storming out of
rehearsals, but I mostly held back my anger, out of respect for my colleagues
and the academy students who were working so hard to make the best of the
situation. Still, I was horrified
when I walked onstage for the performance last night and saw a sold-out concert
hall full of eager and happy audience members, since I knew we couldn’t do
justice to such a great piece. I
tried to play well, but I didn’t.
It is bad enough to be ashamed of a performance, and it is even worse
when there are nearly 1000 people watching, plus countless more on live
television. But, it’s over, and
all I can do is try to play better in the future.
When I talk to my colleagues about
my frustrations regarding unpredictable schedules, delayed payments, and rude
conductors, they seem to share my feelings. However, they also say things like, “I’m just happy for my
health”, or “Nobody dies from a bad performance”. I admire that they maintain a sense of perspective. However, as my roommate Sara pointed
out, it is possible to grateful for what you have while still demanding to be
treated well. Professional musicians
usually have very high expectations of themselves, and work quite hard to
become skilled in their area of expertise. There is no reason why we shouldn’t expect to always be
treated as professionals.
Although I struggle with the
competitiveness in my field back in Chicago, I am looking forward to returning
to work environments that are protected by the musicians’ union. I am starting to feel even more
grateful that the previous generation of performers, including some of my
teachers, collaborated to demand reasonable working conditions, better payment,
pensions, and job security. I am
hopeful that one day, the professional musicians of Sarajevo will be able to do
the same. It is possible…
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