May Already?

           I realized today that I only have eight weeks left in Sarajevo!  It’s very hard to think about leaving; I know that I will miss the city, the lifestyle, and especially my friends.  Also, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it will be nearly impossible for me to make a living as a performer in the US.  So I can’t help but worry about finding a career that will be just as interesting and enjoyable as performing full-time.  Though I hope that completing my doctorate will bring some opportunities, my future is nonetheless quite uncertain.  I am trying not to feel anxious, and to remember that, fortunately, uncertainty and flexibility go hand-in-hand.

I feel better knowing that there are still so many things that I can see and do before I leave Sarajevo.  Then, when I get back, there are a lot of small luxuries for me to appreciate.  I can be more self-sufficient than I am here: day-to-day interactions will seem so easy, without language barriers, navigating familiar territory.  And, even more importantly, I have so much to look forward to after going back home.  When I think about how much I am looking forward to finally being reunited with Ross for good, I feel less apprehensive about my future.  I am extremely grateful to have a large, supportive, loving, and healthy family.  I get to live just outside of Chicago, one of the most interesting cities in the world, next to a breath-taking view of Lake Michigan, in a spacious, sunny apartment.  So, leaving won’t be as hard if I can remember that I have so much waiting for me back home.

Anyway, we had another great week of sunny weather in Sarajevo.  Throughout Europe, May 1^st is celebrated, giving a lot of people a day, or even a week, off of work or school in order to enjoy springtime.  I was invited by a friend to a barbeque, and thus got to celebrate the holiday for the first time. (We have “Mayday” in the US, but it’s a bit antiquated, and I don’t know anyone who actually does anything for the holiday.)  I really enjoyed spending the day outside, relaxing in the shade and eating some salads and grilled vegetables.

May 1 BBQ

Sunny day on a hill overlooking Sarajevo

After the holiday, I only had one day of work this week, rehearsing and performing for a ballet on Friday.  I’ve finally been able to slow down, exercise more, get plenty of sleep, and start practicing a little bit more regularly.  A lot of times I find myself just fixing reeds and scrambling to learn my music, rather than practicing to maintain, or even better, to improve my playing in general.  It takes so much willpower and concentration to practice regularly and efficiently, but I really want to re-establish a routine so that I can present a good final doctoral recital some time next year.

My parents arrive in Sarajevo on Monday night, and I can start to show them around the city on Tuesday morning.   I can’t wait to see them, and to find out what they think of Sarajevo.  Sometimes, now that I’ve been here for 10 months, I forget how much I found to be interesting or strange upon first arriving.  So it will be so fun to see their reactions!