Brief Update

The past week and a half has been full of rehearsals, getting to know my new American colleagues, settling in...

The orchestra had its season opening concert last Thursday night.  We played four Wagner overtures as well as Tchaikovsky Rococo Variations, featuring a fantastic Russian cellist.  Not a bad way to build up my endurance after a year of playing only a few easy gigs.

The concert went okay, despite my awkward English horn reed chirping in the opening bars of Tristan and Isolde (whoops).  The orchestra seems a little bit tense, and sad, since the budget has been slashed and money is very tight.  No receptions and our late October concert has already been cancelled.  I really hope that things start to turn around soon.  It seems to me like Sarajevans place a lot of value in their cultural institutions, and the philharmonic has a history of perseverance during difficult times, so I am trying to remain optimistic that the orchestra will manage to overcome their current financial struggles.

I feel very fortunate to be a part of a small chamber orchestra, invited to Zagreb to participate in a performance of Britten's War Requiem, alongside other musicians from throughout former Yugoslavia.   We leave bright and early, tomorrow morning.  I've never been to Zagreb, outside of the airport, and I can't wait!

Kol Nidre

Through the help of a friend, I was able to find out the time and location of Kol Nidre services in Sarajevo this year and connect with the very small Jewish community here.

The services were held last Friday evening in Sarajevo's “new synagogue”, which is just across the river from old town. The building is quite large, making it obvious that Sarajevo's Jewish community at one time was much larger than it is now. There is a tall gate surrounding the building, and so I was happy to find it finally open when I arrived a few minutes before the services were to begin. I confirmed that I was in the correct place and had a seat in the lobby, waiting for the door to the upstairs chapel to be unlocked.

All together, I counted 34 people at the services, mostly quite elderly. The few young people I saw seemed to be foreigners (other Americans, Germans, Isrealis). In the lobby, I heard a mixture of Bosnian, Hebrew, English, and Ladino. Because the Jewish community is Sarajevo is so small, the service seemed to cater toward a variety of denominations and levels of observance, and men and women sat on separate sides of the room to respect those who are more traditional. Coming from a reform background, this seemed a little bit strange to me, as did many of the sephardic tunes used for chanting the prayers. I tried my best to follow along and found it quite interesting to watch unfamiliar traditions mix with ones more familiar to me. I felt grateful to have learned many of the prayers as well as a bit of Hebrew when I was young, and now see how much of a common language can help a diaspora connect.

Meanwhile, I worried about my family back in Colorado, which has been experiencing terrible flooding. Fortunately, they remained safe, with relatively little property damage. However, the town of Evergreen, near my parents' cabin, was completely shut down and certain buildings have been washed away. I am so relieved and grateful that my family is okay and feel a bit humbled when I think of how much I tend to complain about minor daily stresses and inconveniences.

In the New Synagogue

 

Greetings and Reunions

The past week has gone by so quickly, I feel like my life is set in fast-forward.

After my stay at Edo's house last week, I got settled into my apartment and happily reunited with most of the Otes family. Slowly, I've run into all of my old friends, had lunch, drinks, coffee... Everyone is just as warm, open, and funny as I remember and it felt relatively easy to pick up where we left off.

Besides meeting old friends, I also greeted new ones. I met my oboist colleague, Lindsey (the American oboe player who came last year has decided to stay here permanently) and was delighted to find her so friendly, easy-going, and funny (oboe players tend to be a bit quiet and awkward). We hit it off right away and I know we will have a ton of fun this year. On Tuesday, a group of four new Americans came to fill out the bassoon, horn, and trombone sections. Since then, I've gotten to know the bassoonist, Andrea, the most because she is my roommate. We have a lot in common (vegetarian, married, double reed players) and hit it off immediately. I showed her and the three brass players around Otes and Ilidza on Tuesday night, encouraging them to stay up until bed time to avoid jet lag. On Wednesday, everyone came with me to the city center to meet with Alisa and get paperwork and errands taken care of.

On top of all of the greetings and reunions, I've had daily rehearsals for the Britten War Requiem, which has kept me quite busy. I'm trying to keep up with practicing, learning the repertoire, figuring out the orchestra's new English horn, making reeds, and working on my dissertation, but haven't quite managed to avoid getting behind. I'm sure that I can catch up once I settle into a routine a have a day or two off to get organized. It's hard to resist the temptation of going out with friends when I haven't seen them for 14 months!

Osijek detour

 A small chamber orchestra formed by members of the Sarajevo Philharmonic met this week to rehearse Benjamin Britten's War Requiem. Later, we will join up with the chorus and musicians from Zagreb to put everything together. (The War Requiem is a massive piece that calls for chamber orchestra, full orchestra, three soloists, chorus, boy's choir, and organ.) After taking a class on Benjamin Britten a couple years ago, I became quite a fan of his works, so I'm really happy to be a part of this project. Also, I have never been to Zagreb (the capital of Croatia) outside of the airport, and can't wait to travel there and explore the city at the end of the month.

Because the full Sarajevo Philharmonic does not meet until next week, most of my friends have been out of town and the new America players do not arrive until Tuesday. On Wednesday night I was pretty nervous about being alone in my apartment in Otes, with none of my colleagues nearby. Fortunately, my very generous bassoonist colleague, Edo, and his pianist wife, Lejla, offered to host me until today, when most of the “Otes family” returns.

Edo and Lejla live in another small village outside of Illidža called Osijek in a beautiful house with a nice large yard. I had my own room, and they made me feel so welcome and comfortable. Their son, Daris, is an adorable, precocious kindergardener, who became quite enamored with me after we played in the yard. Trying to talk to a 5-year-old was a great way to practice my Bosnian, since I didn't feel so self conscious about my terrible grammar and awkward accent.

Of course, a visit to a Bosnian home would not be complete without a party. Last night, a few of my other colleagues and their kids came over to eat cevapi (eggplant for me) and enjoy the nice weather while it lasts. The party ended with a jam session, since Edo owns quite a few instruments, including a guitar, bass, drums, and accordion. I am a bit sad to leave such a nice home, but can't wait to greet many of my friends in Otes this afternoon.

Greetings from Sarajevo

I am relieved to report that the long trip back went as smoothly as possible. I was a pound or two over the weight limit for both of my bags, and to my relief, the airlines let it slide. As far as I can tell, nothing was lost or damaged either. I'm not sure why, but I was very nervous about getting my belongings to Sarajevo this year. I don't think it was a very rational fear (though I do have terrible luck with luggage), but I think it was a symptom of my general anxiety about the changes to come.

So far, everything is as I remember, and the transition has been pretty easy. I got a lot of errands done today. Now I'm looking forward to getting unpacked and getting some rest. Most of my friends and colleagues are out of town until full orchestra rehearsals start next week, so I have plenty of time to settle in before greeting the Otes family. I'm looking forward to starting chamber orchestra rehearsals tomorrow and learning the Britten War Requiem, which we are playing in Zagreb at the end of the month.

I continue to be endeared by the Bosnian laid-back attitude and sense of humor. I couldn't help but smile yesterday as I boarded my flight from Vienna to Sarajevo, and several passengers started singing sevdalinke while waiting in line to get on the bus.

Part II

I didn't expect to be writing a sequel, but here I am, signing onto Blogger for the first time in over 6 months, about to make another transition yet again.
I am returning to Sarajevo!
I'm delighted to be invited back by the Sarajevo Philharmonic and the Cultural Exchange Program for another 10 months.  After coming back to the US last fall, I decided that I would like to write my doctoral dissertation about the recent history of intercultural and international collaboration in Sarajevo's classical music institutions.  I'm looking into whether the institutions have promoted acceptance of diversity and how they've been a source of civic pride.  I have so much to write about, so I'm working on refining my thesis and focusing my research... we'll see where it takes me!
Anyway, I really wanted to go back to Sarajevo to look for primary sources and to interview some of my former colleagues.  However, since I'm getting a doctoral degree in music performance, it is very difficult to get research funding (most grants that I found were for PhD students only, not DMA students).  So I asked the management of the Sarajevo Philharmonic if they would be willing to host me, and they offered me a contract for their 2013-2014 season.
I debated myself about the pros and cons of leaving again.  By February of this year, I was finally able to settle in, find some work as a woodwinds teacher and an online personal assistant, reconnect to my Chicago-area community and get an occasional performance gig.  It took what seemed like ages to readjust to the US, so I had to decide whether I could go through it again.  Ultimately, I want to be in Sarajevo as I finish my dissertation, and I really want the chance to be an orchestral musician again.  I took the contract.
I love Sarajevo, am eager to continue my dissertation research, and most of all, can't wait to start performing regularly again.  But, moving between the US and Bosnia is always a huge adjustment and I'm a little bit nervous about my return.  I have such good memories from my first season in Sarajevo, and naturally feel anxious about fitting in again.  Regardless of whether it's rational, I feel like I'm 14 again and going back to school... Will my friends no longer like me?  How much have I changed?  How much have they changed?  It seems so silly to have these worries, but there you have it.
Also, as my departure date nears (Monday!) I get sadder about leaving Ross again.  He has a great job at Roosevelt University and a large studio at Fox River Music Academy, so he has to remain in Chicago until he can visit over the winter holidays.  I am comforted by the fact that our relationship is strong, and we've already made it through being apart once before.  I am so grateful to live in the age of Skype!!!
Now I have a little bit more packing to do, a few goodbyes, a frantic scramble to stock up on reeds and cane.  And then...I'm off... Vidimo se, Sarajevo! (See you, Sarajevo!)

Stay tuned, friends.  I'm going to be busy with my academic writing, but will try to blog as much as I can.  I've found this to be a great way to stay in touch, and look forward to hearing from you.  Fingers crossed it won't take quite as long to get internet access this time around!

The Epilogue

            I’ve been meaning to write a final post and end this blog for a while now.  It’s been over 2 months since I returned to the US, and over 2 weeks since my summer travels ended.  A new group of Americans has already arrived and began rehearsing with the Sarajevo Philharmonic today.

            So…

            Honestly, coming back to the US has been harder than I expected.  I enjoy being able to see Ross every day and appreciate how easy it is to navigate Evanston, which now seems ridiculously clean and organized.  But, I really miss my job and my friends.

            It has been my dream to be a professional orchestral oboist for over a decade.  I was unsure whether I would ever find a job as a performer, and was particularly doubtful that I could ever make it as a principal oboist of a full-time orchestra.  Playing in the Sarajevo Philharmonic was a dream come true in that sense.  Not only did I get payed to play the oboe almost every day, but I also enjoyed playing chamber music with my colleagues and teaching a few lessons.  Yes, the orchestra was sometimes disorganized and some of my colleagues were frequently under-prepared for rehearsals.  Rehearsals were occasionally too hot, too cold, too crowded, or too loud.  But, a laid-back attitude and unique sense of humor amongst my colleagues made many unpleasant situations surprisingly tolerable.  And not having to live up to the nit-picky standards of the top-tier American orchestras made my job much more relaxing and fun. 

            On top of having a great job, I also made friends easily and quickly, got to travel around Europe, become acquainted with a new city, and learn new languages.  I miss my friends, and cannot believe how close I became to people that I have known for less than one year.  I found people in Bosnia to be so warm and sincere, but also particularly capable of having fun, joking, and enjoying life’s simple pleasures.  I spent so many hours sitting in cafes, developing a taste of coffee, but it was never a waste of time because I was always learning something new from good conversation.

            One of my goals for my year in Sarajevo was to learn to be more patient.  I realize now that completely failed at achieving that goal.  Okay, I guess I’m much more patient when waiting for delayed buses or slow service.  (I was in the DMV this morning and found it to be oddly charming!) But I’m just as anxious as ever to made make immediate good impressions, to find rewarding but challenging work, to make new friends and learn new things. It is taking me longer than I expected to reestablish connections in Chicago, get gigs, find more students, start a research project, and acquire a part-time job.  There is so much competition in the area, and building a freelance music career takes a lot of work and a lot of time.  The waiting involved is driving me crazy.  Being unemployed, with no classes to look forward to, can be excruciatingly boring at times.  I am trying to make the best of all my free time, but I’m not very good at it. 

It is hard to deal with the reality that, due to the scarcity of orchestral jobs in the US, my career as a performer might already be over, although I’m not even 30 years old.  (I guess athletes and dancers all go through this as well.)  I don’t want to be defeatest, but I need to be realistic.  I am not sure I’m entrepreneurial enough to make my own performance career, without being part of a larger organization.  In my moments of pessimism, I have to remind myself that I’m sure life will bring lots of interesting opportunities, and that I have a valuable combination of performance, teaching, and academic skills.  I never predicted that I would have the opportunities or experiences that I’ve had over the past few years. (Like playing, not one, but 4 performances with the Chicago Symphony!  And getting invited out of the blue to move to Europe for a year to play principal oboe with a professional orchestra!  I never thought I was a good enough oboist to do those things.) So if I continue to be hard working, persistent, and lucky, who knows what’s in store.  Here’s to a great 2011-2012 adventure, and to many more. Zivili/L’Chaim/To Life!