I’ve
been meaning to write a final post and end this blog for a while now. It’s been over 2 months since I
returned to the US, and over 2 weeks since my summer travels ended. A new group of Americans has already
arrived and began rehearsing with the Sarajevo Philharmonic today.
So…
Honestly,
coming back to the US has been harder than I expected. I enjoy being able to see Ross every
day and appreciate how easy it is to navigate Evanston, which now seems
ridiculously clean and organized.
But, I really miss my job and my friends.
It
has been my dream to be a professional orchestral oboist for over a
decade. I was unsure whether I
would ever find a job as a performer, and was particularly doubtful that I
could ever make it as a principal oboist of a full-time orchestra. Playing in the Sarajevo Philharmonic
was a dream come true in that sense.
Not only did I get payed to play the oboe almost every day, but I also enjoyed
playing chamber music with my colleagues and teaching a few lessons. Yes, the orchestra was sometimes
disorganized and some of my colleagues were frequently under-prepared for
rehearsals. Rehearsals were
occasionally too hot, too cold, too crowded, or too loud. But, a laid-back attitude and unique
sense of humor amongst my colleagues made many unpleasant situations
surprisingly tolerable. And not
having to live up to the nit-picky standards of the top-tier American
orchestras made my job much more relaxing and fun.
On
top of having a great job, I also made friends easily and quickly, got to
travel around Europe, become acquainted with a new city, and learn new
languages. I miss my friends, and
cannot believe how close I became to people that I have known for less than one
year. I found people in Bosnia to
be so warm and sincere, but also particularly capable of having fun, joking,
and enjoying life’s simple pleasures.
I spent so many hours sitting in cafes, developing a taste of coffee,
but it was never a waste of time because I was always learning something new
from good conversation.
One
of my goals for my year in Sarajevo was to learn to be more patient. I realize now that completely failed at
achieving that goal. Okay, I guess
I’m much more patient when waiting for delayed buses or slow service. (I was in the DMV this morning and
found it to be oddly charming!) But I’m just as anxious as ever to made make
immediate good impressions, to find rewarding but challenging work, to make new
friends and learn new things. It is taking me longer than I expected to
reestablish connections in Chicago, get gigs, find more students, start a
research project, and acquire a part-time job. There is so much competition in the area, and building a
freelance music career takes a lot of work and a lot of time. The waiting involved is driving me
crazy. Being unemployed, with no
classes to look forward to, can be excruciatingly boring at times. I am trying to make the best of all my
free time, but I’m not very good at it.
It is hard to deal with the reality
that, due to the scarcity of orchestral jobs in the US, my career as a
performer might already be over, although I’m not even 30 years old. (I guess athletes and dancers all go
through this as well.) I don’t
want to be defeatest, but I need to be realistic. I am not sure I’m entrepreneurial enough to make my own
performance career, without being part of a larger organization. In my moments of pessimism, I have to
remind myself that I’m sure life will bring lots of interesting opportunities,
and that I have a valuable combination of performance, teaching, and academic
skills. I never predicted that I
would have the opportunities or experiences that I’ve had over the past few
years. (Like playing, not one, but 4 performances with the Chicago Symphony! And getting invited out of the blue to
move to Europe for a year to play principal oboe with a professional
orchestra! I never thought I was a
good enough oboist to do those things.) So if I continue to be hard working,
persistent, and lucky, who knows what’s in store. Here’s to a great 2011-2012 adventure, and to many more.
Zivili/L’Chaim/To Life!
