Hmm

Well, I'm having a little bit of writer's block, but I thought I'd try to post something this weekend, while I have some free time.  My sisters arrive on Monday, and I have four concerts next week, so I'm predicting a pretty hectic end of May.  I can't believe it's already almost June, and that the season will end in just a little bit over one month!
I was recently talking to Sara about how our attitudes and opinions have changed over the course of the year.  I think we've gone through similar phases.  At first, I was in shock: scared but also very excited to try so many new things.  By the winter, I was getting into a routine, and made some close friends quite quickly.  I love having a full-time performance job and an active social life, and thought that if I didn't miss Ross so much, I would never want to leave.  This spring, I started feeling more contented about the fact that my time here will end.  I will miss my friends terribly, but the daily commute is so tiring, and I've been getting more frustrated during disorganized orchestra rehearsals.  I am lucky that I have a great life in Chicago to go back to, even though it sometimes feels like a sort of distant dream.  So I  think I'm ready for July 2nd to roll around.
Anyway, it's been pretty rainy in Sarajevo since my last update, so I haven't done much beside go to rehearsals, make reeds, and practice.  I've also been enjoying some home-cooked Bosnian meals: Admir cooked a delicious vegetable dish for me and Sara on Tuesday night, and Adi taught us how to make Palacinke (Bosnian pancakes/crepes) on Thursday.  Yum.
Starting tomorrow, I am playing with a high school orchestra that is preparing benefit concerts on Wednesday and Thursday.  It will be interesting to get a taste of what high school music education is like in Sarajevo.  Maybe it will give me something to write about...

American Tourists

          I realized that I forgot to write about one of the most interesting parts of my trip back from Dubrovnik to Sarajevo.  I happened to be on a bus full of American tourists about my age.  I forgot how hard it is to ignore surrounding conversations when you can understand everything being said. (It is very easy for me to tune everyone out when people are speaking Bosnian on the tram, and even when I try to understand, I can only get about 50%.)  Anyway, I ended up with an entertaining few hours of eavesdropping.

            I found the reactions of the young American tourists so amusing because I had so many similar reactions myself when I first arrived in Bosnia.  The Americans seemed quite charmed by the natural beauty and the friendliness of the people. “Wow! That river doesn’t even look real.” “The lady at the café just gave me a sandwich! The bread is so good.” The funniest comment was, “Oh my god…look…a cabbage patch.”  It seems so silly because there are cabbage patches everywhere, but I remember that I was also very excited about the first cabbage patch I saw in Otes.  Most Americans don’t usually see cabbage patches, I guess.  I also laughed to myself when I heard “why is everyone parked on the sidewalk?”  Later, driving into Mostar, I could relate to the Americans’ shock and sadness about the amount of destruction caused by the war. “You can tell this used to be a very beautiful building.” “I can’t believe there are so many bullet holes.” I am getting used to seeing partially damaged building everywhere I go, so I don’t notice them as much anymore.  However, I remember how horrifying it is with “fresh eyes”.

            When we stopped for a short break, I would up being a sort of unofficial translator, since our bus driver only spoke Croatian/Bosnian.  The driver announced, “pauza, dvadeset minuta”.  So, I could relay, “twenty minute break” in English.  I giggled a little bit, because this phrase is kind of an unofficial motto of the Sarajevo Philharmonic.  We really care about our twenty-minute breaks. J

Playing Tour Guide

           My parents left on Tuesday morning, and I’m so glad that they had the chance to visit me here.  We left at the crack of dawn on Friday morning to take a bus to Dubrovnik.  The bus ride took a little bit longer than expected, nearly eight hours!  We were held up for a long time at the first border crossing between Bosnia and Croatia, and to make matter worse, the air conditioner was broken it was extremely hot on the bus.  So my parents got a small taste of how difficult it can be to travel into and out of Sarajevo. J  At least the scenery between Sarajevo and Dubrovnik is so beautiful that it makes the long bus ride worth the trip.

Croatian Coastline

            When we got to Dubrovnik, we only had a short walk to find our hotel, which was very convenient.  My dad went to the desk to check in, and was quickly informed that the hotel’s air conditioning system was broken.  We all groaned, but decided to stick it out anyway.  By the evening, the city had cooled off, and upon opening the window, we were able to get our room to a reasonable temperature before going to sleep.

            We spent Friday afternoon and evening walking around the old city of Dubrovnik.  It was just as charming as I remembered from my first visit, although this time it was brimming with tourists.  Despite the crowds, I still enjoyed walking down the old main street, the “Stradun”, and sitting out on the piers looking out toward the island of Lokrum.  I think my parents also enjoyed the stroll, as well as seeing all of the unique old-fashioned boats.

Mom and Dad in Dubrovnik

            We woke up very early again on Saturday to return to Sarajevo, via a three-hour stop in Mostar.  It was nice to break up the bus ride into two shorter chunks, and although we got stuck on the same bus without air-conditioning, at least we were able to get off of it after only a few hours into the ride.  Once we got to the bus station in Mostar, I could confidently lead my parents in the direction of the old city.  Mostar is always picture perfect, so my mom and dad spent a lot of time taking photographs.  I already have so many pictures of Mostar, and could finally sit back and enjoy it more this time around.  I made sure to take my parents to my favorite restaurant, on the west side of the old bridge.  By the time we finished eating, looking around the old city, and shopping for a few souvenirs, it was already time to catch a mid-afternoon bus back to Sarajevo.

Taking pictures on the old bridge

            Saturday was a very long day; after getting back from our trip, we had just an hour to eat dinner, change, and head off to a concert.  The Radio-Television Orchestra of Slovenia was in town for a local music festival.  They are a pretty strong group of musicians, and played a short concert of some well-known hits from various operas.  My parents liked seeing the concert, but especially liked eating, drinking, and meeting new people during the post-concert reception.  Somehow, my mom managed to meet the Austrian ambassador to Bosnia and invite him to visit Colorado.

            My parents also spent Sunday and Monday in Sarajevo, but we spent most of the time recovering from the Dubrovnik trip.  It was hard not to feel sleepy, since the weather suddenly changed from hot and sunny to cold and, believe it or not, snowing!  I can’t believe that after sweating on a 90-degree bus from Mostar to Sarajevo on Saturday evening, I woke up to several inches of snow by Monday morning!  Very strange… although the same thing happens in Colorado, so my parents didn’t seem too shocked.  They braved the cold air and soggy streets to visit me in Otes, and finally see my neighborhood and my apartment.  Now, I’m looking forward to played tour guide again when my sisters arrive next week!

May 14th, 2012!

Roll Over Beethoven

           I always try to keep a positive outlook, especially when writing my blog posts.  However, I also want to give an honest and realistic account of my time spent in Sarajevo.  So, I have to confess that lately, I’ve felt a bit more frustrated and pessimistic than I normally do.

            I respect and admire my colleagues, as musicians and as friends, and it bothers me when the working conditions in our orchestra as less than ideal.  In the past two months, it seems like our rehearsal schedule is constantly being changed at the last minute, sometimes simply at the whim of a conductor, sometimes because unforeseen scheduling conflicts, and sometimes to accommodate our collaborators in the opera and ballet companies.  Most of the musicians in the orchestra want to perform well, and many have fairly flexible schedules, so often we accept the last-minute changes with few complaints.  However, it is difficult to come to rehearsals well prepared when we don’t know when we will be rehearsing.  Furthermore, my colleagues with families or students have to make sacrifices in order to attend unplanned rehearsals.  Part of me admires that everyone is fairly flexible and laid-back.  But part of me is angry that my colleagues do not demand better working conditions.

            When I lived in Chicago, most of the gigs that I played involved players who are members of the American Federation of Musicians.  The musicians’ union allows players who are at the top of their professions to demand a minimum (and timely) payment, and sets certain standards for working.  When I was contracted for a gig, I knew exactly where and when I would rehearse and how much I would be paid.  I even knew that I was guaranteed a certain amount of break time within each rehearsal.  As a result, I could practice and prepare my reeds accordingly, and was able to play my best. 

It is very difficult to play as well when I feel frustrated and degraded.  I try not to make excuses for myself, and to play as well as I can no matter the circumstances, but I don’t always succeed.  The week, the Sarajevo Philharmonic played Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 in collaboration with the Music Academy.  Frankly, it was a disaster, due to very poor organization and leadership.  I frequently felt like screaming at the conductor and storming out of rehearsals, but I mostly held back my anger, out of respect for my colleagues and the academy students who were working so hard to make the best of the situation.  Still, I was horrified when I walked onstage for the performance last night and saw a sold-out concert hall full of eager and happy audience members, since I knew we couldn’t do justice to such a great piece.  I tried to play well, but I didn’t.  It is bad enough to be ashamed of a performance, and it is even worse when there are nearly 1000 people watching, plus countless more on live television.  But, it’s over, and all I can do is try to play better in the future.

When I talk to my colleagues about my frustrations regarding unpredictable schedules, delayed payments, and rude conductors, they seem to share my feelings.  However, they also say things like, “I’m just happy for my health”, or “Nobody dies from a bad performance”.  I admire that they maintain a sense of perspective.  However, as my roommate Sara pointed out, it is possible to grateful for what you have while still demanding to be treated well.  Professional musicians usually have very high expectations of themselves, and work quite hard to become skilled in their area of expertise.  There is no reason why we shouldn’t expect to always be treated as professionals. 

Although I struggle with the competitiveness in my field back in Chicago, I am looking forward to returning to work environments that are protected by the musicians’ union.  I am starting to feel even more grateful that the previous generation of performers, including some of my teachers, collaborated to demand reasonable working conditions, better payment, pensions, and job security.  I am hopeful that one day, the professional musicians of Sarajevo will be able to do the same.  It is possible…

Parents in Sarajevo

           My parents arrived in Sarajevo on Monday night, so I’ve had a chance to play tour guide for three full days now.  So far, I think they are really enjoying the city, and are fascinated by how much it’s recovered since the siege took place only 20 years ago.

            I met my parents on Tuesday morning, and spent the day taking them around the city center, from Marijin Dvor on the west end to Sebilj Square in Bascarsija.  It was fortunate that last week, Admir showed Sara and I to a fort just up a hill northeast of Bascarsija, with a spectacular view of the city.  So, one of the first things I did with my parents was take them there and give them a general sense of the city’s layout.  They had no problem with the hike, since they are always waking up and down the foothills in Colorado.  We spent the rest of the day dining at Metropolis and To Be, and shopping for souvenirs.  I also tried to take my parents for a leisurely coffee break, but they haven’t quite mastered the art of taking at least one hour to finish a small cup of coffee.  That takes a few months of living in Bosnia, I guess. J

            On Wednesday, we visited the National Museum.  It was my first time there, and I was surprised by its size, beautiful garden, and the number of interesting artifacts from ancient and medieval times.  My favorite part was the collection of mosaics found in Ilidza dating from the 2^nd and 3^rd centuries CE.  I had forgotten that Ilidza has been a city since Roman times!  Unfortunately, some parts of the museum are a little bit run down, and I hope that one day there will be enough money to better preserve the collections and update the exhibits.

            After visiting the museum, we ate at Vegehana, followed by a little bit more shopping.  My mom is vegetarian, and my dad can’t stand to be around cigarette smoke, so a smoke-free vegetarian restaurant was the perfect place for them.  The Sarajevo Philharmonic had a concert on Wednesday night (sans oboes, which is a nice break for me) so I got a chance to take my parents to see our orchestra.

            Today was very sunny and warm, so I decided to take my parents out to Ilidza to walk around in the park, and out to the source of the Bosna river.  It’s a great time of year to look at wildflowers, and my mom especially liked seeing so many birds.  Of course, no trip out to the Vrelo Bosna would be complete without eating at the nearby restaurant, Pizzeria Ilidzis.  Eating a filling lunch after a long walk was the perfect way to end this afternoon.

            We are taking a bus to Dubrovnik tomorrow, and returning the next day, hopefully with a brief stop in Mostar.  I can’t wait to get out of town and visit the coast!

May Already?

           I realized today that I only have eight weeks left in Sarajevo!  It’s very hard to think about leaving; I know that I will miss the city, the lifestyle, and especially my friends.  Also, I am trying to come to terms with the fact that it will be nearly impossible for me to make a living as a performer in the US.  So I can’t help but worry about finding a career that will be just as interesting and enjoyable as performing full-time.  Though I hope that completing my doctorate will bring some opportunities, my future is nonetheless quite uncertain.  I am trying not to feel anxious, and to remember that, fortunately, uncertainty and flexibility go hand-in-hand.

I feel better knowing that there are still so many things that I can see and do before I leave Sarajevo.  Then, when I get back, there are a lot of small luxuries for me to appreciate.  I can be more self-sufficient than I am here: day-to-day interactions will seem so easy, without language barriers, navigating familiar territory.  And, even more importantly, I have so much to look forward to after going back home.  When I think about how much I am looking forward to finally being reunited with Ross for good, I feel less apprehensive about my future.  I am extremely grateful to have a large, supportive, loving, and healthy family.  I get to live just outside of Chicago, one of the most interesting cities in the world, next to a breath-taking view of Lake Michigan, in a spacious, sunny apartment.  So, leaving won’t be as hard if I can remember that I have so much waiting for me back home.

Anyway, we had another great week of sunny weather in Sarajevo.  Throughout Europe, May 1^st is celebrated, giving a lot of people a day, or even a week, off of work or school in order to enjoy springtime.  I was invited by a friend to a barbeque, and thus got to celebrate the holiday for the first time. (We have “Mayday” in the US, but it’s a bit antiquated, and I don’t know anyone who actually does anything for the holiday.)  I really enjoyed spending the day outside, relaxing in the shade and eating some salads and grilled vegetables.

May 1 BBQ

Sunny day on a hill overlooking Sarajevo

After the holiday, I only had one day of work this week, rehearsing and performing for a ballet on Friday.  I’ve finally been able to slow down, exercise more, get plenty of sleep, and start practicing a little bit more regularly.  A lot of times I find myself just fixing reeds and scrambling to learn my music, rather than practicing to maintain, or even better, to improve my playing in general.  It takes so much willpower and concentration to practice regularly and efficiently, but I really want to re-establish a routine so that I can present a good final doctoral recital some time next year.

My parents arrive in Sarajevo on Monday night, and I can start to show them around the city on Tuesday morning.   I can’t wait to see them, and to find out what they think of Sarajevo.  Sometimes, now that I’ve been here for 10 months, I forget how much I found to be interesting or strange upon first arriving.  So it will be so fun to see their reactions!

My 100th Post!

When I started this blog, I intended to use it as a means of communicating with my family and close friends, since I knew I wouldn’t have time to catch up completely via skype or email.  I had no idea that my blog would become so popular, or that it would become so important to me.  Especially toward the beginning of my stay in Sarajevo, writing blog posts was a great way to step back and reflect on my experiences, which often seemed strange and overwhelming.  By deciding to focus on what is most memorable, and by trying to stay positive about my impulsive decision to move halfway around the world, writing my blog has helped me keep an open-minded and upbeat attitude. 

Surprisingly, a lot of old friends, acquaintances, and even strangers have been reading my entries. My blog has had close to 8000 hits, from countries all over the world!  It’s very flattering, and a little bit scary, that so many people are interested in my experiences and what I think.  I’m glad that I can share what I’m learning about Bosnia and Sarajevo.  More importantly, I hope that I am successful in encouraging my readers to be more adventuresome and learn more about other countries and cultures.

            The other day, I tried to go back and re-read what I’ve written.  I only made it through my first few entries.  I don’t know why, but reading my old posts makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable.  However, some of the things I wrote now seem quite humorous.  For example on my second post, I wrote that “it might take a few days” to get internet set up in my apartment.  Little did I know it would become 2 months of anxious waiting!  I also didn’t expect that so many of my friends would be Albanian, so I laughed as I read a post from late-September, when I first learned that Albanians do not speak the same language as Bosnians.  How could I not have known that?

            I’m sure that one day it will be easier for me to go back and re-read this blog.  I look forward to being able to relive my 10 months here as the memories start to fade.  In the meantime, I still have a lot to do in the next two months, and look forward to sharing them!  So keep reading. J